Breaking Free from Perfectionism: How to Challenge Your Inner Critic and Shift Your Perspective
Yesterday, I had new photos taken for my website, and the experience was incredibly positive. The women who did my hair, makeup, and photography created such an uplifting and empowering atmosphere—it was a reminder of how important it is to surround ourselves with people who see us and celebrate us for who we are.
But as positive as the experience was, I had to do some serious self-coaching around my own thoughts.
Because if I’m honest, I walked into that photo shoot already battling an old, familiar inner dialogue.
The Siren Song of Old Conditioning
In the past, anytime I had a big event or photos taken, I’d go through a checklist of external “fixes” first—losing weight, getting my nails done, making sure my hair was just right. It was like preparing for a performance, making sure I looked the part. But the truth is, that’s not how I live my life anymore.
I work from home. I focus on my animals, my business, and the things that actually fuel me. I haven’t had my hair cut or colored in over a year and a half. My nails haven’t seen a salon in at least two years. It’s not that I don’t care about looking put together—it’s that I no longer feel the need to outsource my worth to these things. And honestly? Right now, sitting in a salon for hours sounds more exhausting than relaxing.
Still, the moment I saw the first round of photos, my brain went straight to criticism.
"My arms look flabby."
"I should have been better about my workouts."
"I should have lost a little weight first."
"My body doesn’t look the way it used to."
The spiral happened so fast.
But then, I caught myself.
And I had to ask: Where is this coming from?
The Deep-Rooted Gremlin Message
When I paused and gave it real thought, I knew exactly where this conditioned thinking comes from.
It’s the deep-seated gremlin message I’ve carried for years—the one about worthiness and being enough. It’s rooted in unintentional comments from childhood, growing up in an environment where appearance mattered. It was reinforced by my years in an all-girls school where perfectionism was the norm—not just in how we looked, but in academics, sports, and social status. Then came college and professional life, where success was measured in external markers: achievement, productivity, competition, and, of course, appearance.
Even though I’ve worked hard to challenge these messages and have come so far from that place, it’s easy to get pulled back into their siren song.
But here’s what I’ve learned: just because an old story resurfaces doesn’t mean it’s true.
So I checked in with myself.
I had to ask: What is actually true here?
Shifting the Narrative
When I think back to the times when my body was leaner, my arms more defined, my frame smaller—I remember that I didn’t feel good. I was exhausted all the time. I was constantly chasing an image, obsessing over food, over-exercising, and depleting myself in the name of a body that fit someone else’s definition of “good.”
I thought that smaller meant healthier. That thinner meant happier.
But in reality?
I wasn’t living.
And the truth is, I love the way I live now.
At 43, my body is strong in ways that actually matter. I can carry 60-pound hay bales, flip over a 100-gallon water tub, drag a full wheelbarrow up a hill, take my dogs for long walks, and wake up every morning with the energy to take care of myself, my animals, my friends, and my business. I have a relationship with my body that isn’t about shrinking but about showing up fully—for my animals, my business, and myself.
So I had to ask myself:
Is it true that my body isn’t “good enough” because my arms don’t look the way they did ten years ago?
Or is it true that my body is powerful, resilient, and capable of living the life I actually want?
Your Gremlin Message Might Sound Different—But It’s There
A gremlin message is that deeply ingrained, often subconscious belief that whispers (or shouts) self-doubt, criticism, or fear into your mind. It’s the voice that tells you you’re not enough, that you have to earn your worth, or that you need to be perfect to be accepted.
These messages are usually formed in childhood or adolescence—shaped by cultural expectations, family dynamics, or past experiences—and they often show up when we’re stepping into something new, vulnerable, or outside our comfort zone.
Recognizing your gremlin message is the first step in reclaiming your narrative and shifting toward a more empowered way of thinking.
Maybe your deeply conditioned gremlin message isn’t about body image.
Maybe it’s about proving your worth through overworking.
Maybe it’s about people-pleasing so you don’t disappoint others.
Maybe it’s about constantly achieving so you feel valuable.
Maybe it’s about needing to be liked or fear of failure.
Whatever it is, take a moment to think about when it shows up and what it feels like. Because the moment you recognize it, you can catch yourself before it takes you down a deep rabbit hole.
What Is Actually True?
We all have these moments—when old conditioning creeps in, when self-doubt tries to pull us back into outdated narratives. But we get to choose whether we listen.
I could have let my mind spiral into self-criticism. Instead, I paused. I reminded myself that my body is not here to be an ornament—it’s here to support me in doing the things that set my soul on fire.
And if someone looks at my photos and thinks I don’t fit into their definition of “perfect”? That’s okay. They aren’t my people.
The right people—the ones meant to be in my life, my business, my orbit—will see me as I am and feel inspired to show up as themselves too.
Your Invitation to Shift the Story
So here’s my invitation to you:
Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself. Catch those moments of self-doubt. And when they come up, ask yourself:
What is actually true?
Because odds are, the truth is a lot more empowering than the story you’ve been conditioned to believe.
And if you’re ready to start exploring those gremlin messages and shift the way you see yourself, I’d love to support you.
This is the exact kind of work we do in coaching—creating space for you to untangle the conditioning, break free from old narratives, and step fully into your version of success, confidence, and fulfillment.
If this resonated, I’d love for you to share it. Post it, send it to a friend, or pass it along to someone who might need to hear this message today. Let’s spread this conversation and start rewriting these narratives together.
If you’re ready to explore this deeper, let’s connect. Send me a message and let me know how this resonated. If you are ready for a more in-depth conversation, schedule a free 45 minute session to get clarity on what messages might be holding you back!